It’s been a while. I’ve missed this – writing, that is – but for the past couple weeks, I just couldn’t. My heart was broken. I was bitter and angry, and my mama taught me that if you can’t say anything nice, zip your lips. Especially don’t post anything on the internet where it lives forever.
The reason for my heartbreak you ask? People. The same reason for anyone else’s heartbreak. I had expectations. I loved and respected people, and they let me down. They turned out not to be the people I had hoped they were. Sometimes, we see it coming. All the warning signs are there. And yet it’s still a shock when the final blow comes, and we can no longer ignore the truth. You understand where I’m at?
And when it happens, when we can no longer deny reality and your heart finally breaks, it’s natural to get angry. I’ve had to stay away from my laptop to avoid the temptation to air all my grievances with said “people.” Not that they read my blog anyway.
You know it’s actually recommended by blogging experts that you post a rant every now and again to keep people interested and gain new readers? No wonder there’s so much drama on the internet.
Anyway, trying on my own not to be angry, is like trying not to cry while cutting an onion. You can fool yourself and say it’s not going to bother you this time, but the onion always win.
I struggled a lot with how to deal with my feelings, as a Christian and a decent human being. What’s the proper response when someone you’ve looked up to and respected since you were little turns out to be less than worthy of the pedestal you put them on? I still don’t know.
I do know that heartbreak is necessary. As Christians, trials are necessary to shape and grow our faith. And with trials will come some heartbreak. People are, after all, just people, and not one of us is perfect.
My Pastor taught about trials this week, and he taught that when we experience trials, when we have heartbreak, it’s okay to grieve.
It’s okay to not be okay. When my heart finally broke, I looked at my husband and said “I never want to see these people again.” I’ve cooled a little since then, like turning a pot from full boil to simmering maybe, but I’ve cooled.
And found the silver lining of heartbreak. There’s a beautiful opportunity when you realize that things in your life are not what they should be. Heartbreak can pull us out of the rut we stuck ourselves in and be a catalyst for new beginnings. Scary for sure. Painful still. And definitely not easy.
There’s tough questions to be asked – and answered. But there is hope for believers.
Psalm 30:5 says “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” That’s a promise from a God who doesn’t make mistakes. In His time, He will make all things right again.
And what a beautiful sunrise that will be when joy comes…